Calling All Grooms! Tips for After You Say I Do.

So you just got married! Your wedding (planned by Favored by Yodit Events of course) is over. Cake tastings, tuxedo fittings and table settings are a thing of the past. Its now time to start your new life with your new wife! Here are some tips on how to insure a smooth transition into married life. Always remember boys, happy wife, happy life!

 “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” — Oscar Wilde (poet)

What You Say

1. Build a foundation of trust. Agree that if either of you ever say “do you promise” after a questions is asked that nothing but the truth will follow… no matter how tough the question is. You both need to agree that it’s okay to share even the hardest things with each other.
2. Know the power of your words. The way you phrase things to her can make all the difference. Try to focus on the positive aspects of a difficult situation, and build from there.
3. Make communication a conversation. Don’t just dump information on her. Be sure to provide opportunities for her to ask questions (ex. One of my co-workers mentioned something really interesting to me today…)
4. Don’t talk like you’re placing an order. Phrase your communication in a way that not only tells her what you want, but does it in a way that also asks for her permission.
5. Discuss the importance of time with friends. It’s healthy to have some relationships and activities that are not shared. Spending time with other people and doing other things helps you appreciate the time you do spend together.
6. Share why you need some alone time. Make it VERY clear that you’re not making excuses to spend time apart from her. Before scheduling this kind of time, have a conversation about how important it is for both of you to have this, and the best way to ask for it.
7. Never lie to avoid a fight. Doing this will just make you distant, and potentially create a future disagreement that gets blown way out of proportion due to unresolved feelings.
8. Don’t just apologize after an argument. Instead of feeling good about being the bigger person just because you were the first one to say “I’m sorry”, try asking her why she was frustrated. Knowing this should help to alleviate everything instead of just sweeping it under the rug.
9. Ask really good questions. Don’t just limit it to work, but include questions about what’s been on her mind. Make time for this every day.
10. Discuss how to handle working with opposite sex co-workers. This includes working late hours, traveling or even working over lunch. These are all very common, so let your wife know when these activities will be happening. Also, talk about the steps you plan to take in order to keep it “strictly business”. This will build a lot of trust in the relationship.
11. Share all your mistakes with her, and genuinely ask for forgiveness. This shows her that you can recognize and openly admit your faults, which will enable your relationship to continue in a positive direction.
12. Establish your married relationship as a “new” family. Talk over the details together, and communicate your feelings right away with each of your parents. This will help establish necessary boundaries with them, and show how serious you are about making your relationship a top priority.
13. Share what you’re in charge of managing. Be sure to share what you feel needs to be done to effectively manage each task, as well as including her when any major decisions need to be made.
14. Talk each night. Each of you should take the time to share your day, what’s on your mind (especially the intimate details) and include some talk about a fun activity you will be doing together in the future. Try to do this when you first get home, or on a walk after dinner. It’s really important to reconnect this way.
15. Maintain a healthy level of interest. If the interest level of the listener is fading, it’s probably because they don’t know the point of the conversation. If you both try to share the main point of your story first (then offer the supporting details), it should increase the listener’s level of interest.

What You Do

1. Don’t be a coach or umpire; be her fan. Life is the big game, and being in the position to root her on will score you the biggest points. This will build her confidence, and at the same time put you in her cheering section and not the one calling the game (you know how people in those positions can make you mad).
2. Just listen. Generally, she just wants someone to listen. If she does want advice, she’ll ask for it. By waiting for her to ask, your response will more than likely be appreciated. Just be sure to ask enough questions, so that you fully understand the situation before sharing your thoughts.
3. Plan activities that build your friendship. The more interactive activities you do together, the more you’ll have to talk about.
4. Hug your wife at least three times a day. While you do this, tell her how much you love her and how wonderful or beautiful she is. This should increase her emotional connection and deepen her level of trust with you.
5. Make sure the timing is right. Certain times of day are going to be better for communication. If she’s not a morning person, let her initiate the conversation. If it’s an emotional topic, she may just need some time before she’s ready to open up.
6. Focus on the issue during a fight. Don’t attack each other’s character. Instead, focus on the problem when venting your frustration. Try to see the other person’s point of view, and work from there to resolve everything.
7. Agree that it’s okay to disagree. Acknowledging where she’s coming from doesn’t mean you agree with her. Just respect any differences you many have.
8. Pick the right environment for an emotional conversation. If she’s comfortable, not threatened and in a private place… then the chance of your conversation going well drastically improves.
9. Develop a plan for reconnecting. It’s hard to figure out what to do when you’re already feeling distant, so already having a plan in place will make it a lot easier to get close again.
10. Be silly with each other. We all need to stay pretty serious at work, so it’s important to relax in this way with her.
11. Pray for one another, as a couple, every day. Whether it’s part of your faith or not, this simple act will help you dedicate some time to really focusing your minds on each other – strengthening your marital bond.

Source: thegroomslist.com

#WeddingWednesday Groom to Groom: What Our First Year of Marriage Taught Me...

I use to be scared of the thought of marriage. Giving my all to one person, trusting them with everything, letting them in wholeheartedly. It was something that I thought would have to be earned by this fictional woman who I was destined to meet. As a teenager, falling in love was something too common, but when college arrived and I entered my pre-adulthood, falling in love was a disease. Never wanting to fall in love or show too much love was a lifestyle for me. That sent me on a journey of partying and women, until...

March 18, 2011 (two years removed from college graduation) was the day that I met my wife.....at the club! The most unlikely place to meet a life partner (in my eyes). I spotted her from across the room and drunkenly approached her to ask her name. This attempt had been done before with the same woman and I was told that I was too young. But this time, laced with liquid courage, I took another shot. After small talk, we exchanged numbers. There was no intent to marry right off the bat, but at this point in my life I'd told myself that every female needs to be screened for potential longevity.

Why did I marry her? Two reason: #1. Our similarities in religion, family values and biggest fears (hers-raising a child by herself; mine- dying without the chance to raise my own child.) Two: I asked myself, if my daughter was to grow up and be like her, would I be ok with that? The answer was yes. She had so many great qualities that her negatives weren't even an issue. We dated for a year and a half before I proposed. Why so quickly? My mother always told me that it only takes 4 seasons to learn someone. I interpreted that to mean that marriage is the journey of learning and loving someone.

I like my wife as a friend and I love her as a partner. I think liking someone is more important than loving them in some situations. Marriage is one of them. We do things that friends can do together and that makes our marriage stronger. Our marriage has not been a yellow brick road. A few things that I realize about our marriage that has helped it grow:

#1. We don't expose our problems to others. We keep our quarrels in our home and squash any beef we have with each other in a civil manner. Tears have been shed and some yelling but we never go too long without discussing it and coming to a agreement about what happened.

#2. Sometime I have to give in. Some arguments are my fault and sometimes they are hers. But there are those rare occasions where we both are right and wrong and in those moments I must take the bullet. It doesn't really matter who's fault it is, the end result is a stronger relationship. So if I must take the blame, then that is what I will do.

#3. Make decisions together. Major decisions that could be life changing, I must consult her first. I've even started asking her opinions on small issues to, giving her stake in my life. I had to realize it's no longer about me, it's about us.

#4. Money! Money! Money!- Many marriages end over money disputes. My wife makes significantly more money than I do. She can pay bills and have money left over to spend on whatever she wants, which I can't, but that doesn't make me less of a man. I pull my weight in other ways. And I've learned how to better manage my money so that I can contribute to our lives just as my wife does.

There are more things that have helped my marriage grow but these are the primary ones.

We've only been married a little over a year but we continue to work at our future. That's what keeps me going, our future. The one thing that I did realize is that marriage isn't much different than when we were just dating. The same commitment that I was suppose to have then, I have now. And I always ask myself, "If she did this to me, how would I feel?" That question keeps me from doing a lot of things. Keeps me on track to our future.

Neither of us are perfect, and we aren't too big to say sorry. As long as there is progress then we are on the right track. And now with a little baby girl in our lives we must work even harder to show her what true love really is.

#BrideToBride: Keys to a Successful Marriage

Greetings Fellow Brides! I am very excited to guest post this week for Bride to Bride! As a blogger myself, I rarely have the opportunity to write on the subject of marriage. Special thanks to Carol for allowing me to share a bit of wisdom with others :-)

My third wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks and I can hardly believe it. It seems like just yesterday we said “I Do.” We have been together for 10 years and I thank God every single day for my husband. We have been through so much together, but Team Collins is strong in love and blessed to be happily married. Part of having a successful marriage is learning to truly give yourself to your partner so you can grow together as one. But another part is learning from past mistakes and having the capacity to love each other no matter what. I definitely don’t consider myself anywhere near an expert on marriage, but I have learned quite a few things since becoming a wife. Here are a few tips that can help make your marriage last a lifetime:

* Before marriage, talk extensively about your wants and needs as well as the goals and expectations of your relationship. Be willing to compromise and seek premarital counseling if you need to.

* Keep God at the center of your marriage. Pray together, go to church and rejoice together. These things will make difficult times that much easier.

* Always be honest and truthful. Trust is vital to any relationship, especially a marriage.

* Listen to your partner. Don’t just listen to their words, but put yourself in their shoes and really try to understand their feelings and point of view.

* Keep learning from each other and supporting one another. Building up your spouse makes them a better individual and partner.

* Continue to get to know and understand your mate. Marriage is for life so make sure you not only love them, you like them and get them.

* Never say never. The unexpected can come at any time. Be open and flexible for your spouse. Trials will test your relationship, but the strong and committed partners get through it together.

* Have time together and apart. It is very important to spend time with your spouse. Life can get busy, but set aside some time that is just for the two of you to reconnect and bask in each other’s love. Time apart allows each of you to miss one another. Have some fun without your husband and have a girl’s night out. He will appreciate the time apart just as much as you.

* Be prepared to argue. Couples are mistaken and think that a ring and a wedding will magically make them happier. Communication can be difficult in a marriage simply because men and women think and act differently. And while we would all like to talk through every issue rationally, it doesn’t happen. But remember, arguing is still a form of communication. When you’re no longer arguing, the relationship may definitely be headed for trouble.

* Touch often. Kiss and hug your husband as much as possible. Tell him you love him and appreciate him, but also show him. Men need and want to feel wanted. It will also keep stress levels down and makes marriage that much better. Just do whatever you do to keep a smile on his face ;-)

* Be discreet. Keep private things just between the two of you. Your union is the most sacred relationship you have and you want to be a trustworthy spouse. If your friends and family try to get involved, tell them to let you live your life the way you see fit.

* Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s. You never know what is going on in their household.

* Always be his bride. After the honeymoon period is over and the normalcies of life start again, we as women try to live up to these extremely high standards of what a wife should be. We get so focused on what we think we should be doing, we begin to neglect and even isolate our spouses. Remind your husband of your wedding day often and all the excitement that followed it. Take the pressure off and just be the best wife & bride you can be!

Kelly Collins is a 28 year-old college-educated, Georgia Peach currently residing in Raleigh, NC with her awesome husband DeAntony, and their beautiful little boy, Preston. Other than being a wife and mother, she is also a full time nanny during the day. She is what she calls a ‘Non-traditional Southern Belle’ with a touch of Mary Poppins. In her spare time she loves to write, run and cook/bake. Visit her blog for more information!

Happily living the Best of Both Worlds!

#BrideToBride: Top 7 Things New Brides Should Know

I was asked to write a blog from the perspective of a wife to a new bride. In doing this, it allowed me to take a step back and evaluate my marriage in order to identify key principles that work for my husband and I. To my surprise, I found myself not accepting some of the items on my own list. Below are the top 7 things that work for The Greenups:

1. Keep God in your marriage

Bottom line: When God is not in your marriage it leaves room for the enemy to sneak in and create chaos. Pray for your spouse to be able to face day to day life. (An excellent book is “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian)

2. Happy wife…happy life

Often times I say this to my husband jokingly when I do not get my mind. However, I have found that I have to say this to myself because I do not take care of myself as I should. I have found that I get so caught up in being a good mom to my son and supportive wife to my husband that I forget to take for myself. What do I mean by taking care of myself? For example, I will make sure everyone in the house has eaten and forget to eat myself due to other items I need to get done for my home of my family. This often ends in me being sick or burnt out. When married, make sure you remind yourself to take of YOU! It is impossible to be a good wife if you are not healthy. This includes mind, body, and spirit.

3. He is who he is and will not change just because you say “I do”

Some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change once we are married.” WRONG! He is who he is. The same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that my hubs has and the reason I fell for him is the same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that works my last nerves at times. When this happens, I must take a step back and remind myself why I love this man and chose to marry him. As women we often get caught up in trying to mold and perfect things….eventually you have to let your man be who he is….flaws and all. The one thing men need to know is that you love him unconditionally with not only all his good…but with all his bad as well.

4. Forgive and let go

This point should be started off by saying “PICK YOUR BATTLES.” (I find that I am guilty of this at times.) If you find yourself always complaining about the socks he leaves in the middle of the floor, eventually he is going to get tired of hearing it….and you will be tired of saying it. Just save yourself the stress and kick the socks towards the dirty clothes hamper. Arguments should never be about right or wrong. It should be about what will encourage a healthier relationship. This is done by talking (not yelling) through issues and not only forgiving your spouse…but letting it go. By not letting go of an issue, they will fester over time and cause you to operate in your marriage as if you are in a war. Operating in your marriage as you would do in a war will cause you to look at your spouse as the enemy and not your partner. It is impossible to be happy and enjoy life when you are constantly in “defense mode.”

5. Men think differently from women

I am going on my fourth year of marriage and have been with my husband for eight years. So on top of thinking differently because he is a man, he is also left-handed!!! (My son is too and they look at me like I’m abnormal) This is one thing I struggle to understand! For instance, I have to allow him to things HIS way….no matter how much I disagree with his process of doing them. It is important to build your man up and not tear him down.

6. Men need sex AT LEAST 2-3 times a week

This means, do NOT hold sex as punishment for a disagreement or an argument. Unlike women, men NEED this release. I know…it sounds so simple. But after the wedding, when life goes back to normal and more items get added to your “To Do” list….do not forget your spouse. Date nights are a necessity.

7. HAVE FUN!!!!!!!

Marriage should be a fun, ongoing adventure. It’s easy to get so caught up in life that you forget that you married your best friend. The fun should not end because you both said “I do”.

- From one bride to another, Mrs. Greenup