#BrideToBride: Keys to a Successful Marriage

Greetings Fellow Brides! I am very excited to guest post this week for Bride to Bride! As a blogger myself, I rarely have the opportunity to write on the subject of marriage. Special thanks to Carol for allowing me to share a bit of wisdom with others :-)

My third wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks and I can hardly believe it. It seems like just yesterday we said “I Do.” We have been together for 10 years and I thank God every single day for my husband. We have been through so much together, but Team Collins is strong in love and blessed to be happily married. Part of having a successful marriage is learning to truly give yourself to your partner so you can grow together as one. But another part is learning from past mistakes and having the capacity to love each other no matter what. I definitely don’t consider myself anywhere near an expert on marriage, but I have learned quite a few things since becoming a wife. Here are a few tips that can help make your marriage last a lifetime:

* Before marriage, talk extensively about your wants and needs as well as the goals and expectations of your relationship. Be willing to compromise and seek premarital counseling if you need to.

* Keep God at the center of your marriage. Pray together, go to church and rejoice together. These things will make difficult times that much easier.

* Always be honest and truthful. Trust is vital to any relationship, especially a marriage.

* Listen to your partner. Don’t just listen to their words, but put yourself in their shoes and really try to understand their feelings and point of view.

* Keep learning from each other and supporting one another. Building up your spouse makes them a better individual and partner.

* Continue to get to know and understand your mate. Marriage is for life so make sure you not only love them, you like them and get them.

* Never say never. The unexpected can come at any time. Be open and flexible for your spouse. Trials will test your relationship, but the strong and committed partners get through it together.

* Have time together and apart. It is very important to spend time with your spouse. Life can get busy, but set aside some time that is just for the two of you to reconnect and bask in each other’s love. Time apart allows each of you to miss one another. Have some fun without your husband and have a girl’s night out. He will appreciate the time apart just as much as you.

* Be prepared to argue. Couples are mistaken and think that a ring and a wedding will magically make them happier. Communication can be difficult in a marriage simply because men and women think and act differently. And while we would all like to talk through every issue rationally, it doesn’t happen. But remember, arguing is still a form of communication. When you’re no longer arguing, the relationship may definitely be headed for trouble.

* Touch often. Kiss and hug your husband as much as possible. Tell him you love him and appreciate him, but also show him. Men need and want to feel wanted. It will also keep stress levels down and makes marriage that much better. Just do whatever you do to keep a smile on his face ;-)

* Be discreet. Keep private things just between the two of you. Your union is the most sacred relationship you have and you want to be a trustworthy spouse. If your friends and family try to get involved, tell them to let you live your life the way you see fit.

* Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s. You never know what is going on in their household.

* Always be his bride. After the honeymoon period is over and the normalcies of life start again, we as women try to live up to these extremely high standards of what a wife should be. We get so focused on what we think we should be doing, we begin to neglect and even isolate our spouses. Remind your husband of your wedding day often and all the excitement that followed it. Take the pressure off and just be the best wife & bride you can be!

Kelly Collins is a 28 year-old college-educated, Georgia Peach currently residing in Raleigh, NC with her awesome husband DeAntony, and their beautiful little boy, Preston. Other than being a wife and mother, she is also a full time nanny during the day. She is what she calls a ‘Non-traditional Southern Belle’ with a touch of Mary Poppins. In her spare time she loves to write, run and cook/bake. Visit her blog for more information!

Happily living the Best of Both Worlds!

#BrideToBride: Advice from a Planner's Perspective

Hey Bride!

So I know you were expecting advice from an actual Bride, and not see my single and sassy self on the front lol BUT this week I decided to do something a little different. Oh and by the way that isn’t my boo with me in the picture above, well not in real life that is lol but heeeeeeeeeeeey Jay Ellis *waves, winks* A girl can dream right lol.

I have been working for Favored by Yodit Events for about 10 months now and I have learned sooooo much. Not so much about married life, but about wedding day woes. As a planner/ coordinator you experience and see a lot of the background happenings at weddings that can be easily avoid. Check out my #BrideToBride Advice from a Planner's Perspective below.

1. Avoid your bridal party members pulling double duty as a vendor: I know your best friend/maid of honor is the only person in the world that can get your baby hairs to slick down just right, and your momma cooks mac and cheese so good it makes you want to slap HER momma. However, if they need to get ready as well as take care of another big task more than likely they are going to be late, which could in turn cause delays in the wedding. The best bet is to hire an outside vendor to do your hair, makeup, cater, etc so that everything can get the attention it needs and stay on track.

2. Don’t Skimp on the Photographer: I know Cousin Ray Ray has been taking all the pictures for the family reunions for years and he can pick a Instagram filter like its nobody’s business, but weddings are a different ballgame. A picture perfect moment happens in an instant, and when it’s gone it’s gone. You can’t redo the look on your groom’s face when he sees you walking down the aisle, or your first kiss as husband and wife, or grandma twerking on cousin Steve. A photographer that is accustomed to doing weddings, will capture the essence of your day. Don’t be afraid to ask for samples of their work and google wedding pictures that you like so that you can give them a clear vision of what you want and are expecting.

3. Plan ahead and Prepare in advance: Make a checklist of everything that needs to get done for the wedding ie Hair, nails, makeup, pick up candles, pick up dress, etc and complete as many as those tasks that you can in advance. The last thing you want to do is wake up the day of your wedding and have to worry about a manicure or stress about running to the dollar store to pick up tea candles. At the very latest, try and purchase décor items a month in advance. This may sound extreme but trust me it’s better to have those items sitting in the basement then scrambling at the last minute and stressing yourself out. Get your nails done and hair prepped the night before. It will make the morning of your big day a lot calmer.

4. Get on Pinterest: I am convinced sweet baby Jesus himself created this website. Everything you can think of can be found on this site. No matter if you are looking for decor ideas, wedding dresses, color palette inspiration or creative wedding shoots Pinterest has it! For my budget conscious brides, Pinterest has a lot of creative DIY (do-it-yourself) ideas that look amazing. So do yourself a favor and create an account. Thank me later.

5. Hire a planner or at the very least a day of coordinator: I’m not just saying this because I work for the greatest event planning company, Favored by Yodit Events. There are a million things that need to be done the day of your wedding and trust me YOU do not want to worry about any of them, nor do you want your maid of honor stalking all of your vendors to make sure they show up on time. It is your day so relax and let someone else stress about all the details. since you are already here, (inserts shameless plug *kanye shrug*) contact us for all of your wedding needs!

Congratulations on your engagement!!

Your Future Wedding planner *wink wink*,

Carol

#BrideToBride: Top 7 Things New Brides Should Know

I was asked to write a blog from the perspective of a wife to a new bride. In doing this, it allowed me to take a step back and evaluate my marriage in order to identify key principles that work for my husband and I. To my surprise, I found myself not accepting some of the items on my own list. Below are the top 7 things that work for The Greenups:

1. Keep God in your marriage

Bottom line: When God is not in your marriage it leaves room for the enemy to sneak in and create chaos. Pray for your spouse to be able to face day to day life. (An excellent book is “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian)

2. Happy wife…happy life

Often times I say this to my husband jokingly when I do not get my mind. However, I have found that I have to say this to myself because I do not take care of myself as I should. I have found that I get so caught up in being a good mom to my son and supportive wife to my husband that I forget to take for myself. What do I mean by taking care of myself? For example, I will make sure everyone in the house has eaten and forget to eat myself due to other items I need to get done for my home of my family. This often ends in me being sick or burnt out. When married, make sure you remind yourself to take of YOU! It is impossible to be a good wife if you are not healthy. This includes mind, body, and spirit.

3. He is who he is and will not change just because you say “I do”

Some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change once we are married.” WRONG! He is who he is. The same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that my hubs has and the reason I fell for him is the same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that works my last nerves at times. When this happens, I must take a step back and remind myself why I love this man and chose to marry him. As women we often get caught up in trying to mold and perfect things….eventually you have to let your man be who he is….flaws and all. The one thing men need to know is that you love him unconditionally with not only all his good…but with all his bad as well.

4. Forgive and let go

This point should be started off by saying “PICK YOUR BATTLES.” (I find that I am guilty of this at times.) If you find yourself always complaining about the socks he leaves in the middle of the floor, eventually he is going to get tired of hearing it….and you will be tired of saying it. Just save yourself the stress and kick the socks towards the dirty clothes hamper. Arguments should never be about right or wrong. It should be about what will encourage a healthier relationship. This is done by talking (not yelling) through issues and not only forgiving your spouse…but letting it go. By not letting go of an issue, they will fester over time and cause you to operate in your marriage as if you are in a war. Operating in your marriage as you would do in a war will cause you to look at your spouse as the enemy and not your partner. It is impossible to be happy and enjoy life when you are constantly in “defense mode.”

5. Men think differently from women

I am going on my fourth year of marriage and have been with my husband for eight years. So on top of thinking differently because he is a man, he is also left-handed!!! (My son is too and they look at me like I’m abnormal) This is one thing I struggle to understand! For instance, I have to allow him to things HIS way….no matter how much I disagree with his process of doing them. It is important to build your man up and not tear him down.

6. Men need sex AT LEAST 2-3 times a week

This means, do NOT hold sex as punishment for a disagreement or an argument. Unlike women, men NEED this release. I know…it sounds so simple. But after the wedding, when life goes back to normal and more items get added to your “To Do” list….do not forget your spouse. Date nights are a necessity.

7. HAVE FUN!!!!!!!

Marriage should be a fun, ongoing adventure. It’s easy to get so caught up in life that you forget that you married your best friend. The fun should not end because you both said “I do”.

- From one bride to another, Mrs. Greenup

#BrideToBride: Getting Married: The Ins and Outs

Getting Married: The Ins and Outs

By: Dyonndra R. Moore

So the love of your life finally decides to get down on one knee and propose. Now you’ve got the ring….the bliss begins…and then the excitement hits you. “I’M GETTING MARRIED!!” Until….the planning begins. What do I do now? Where do I begin? What kind of dress do I buy? How many bridesmaids shall I have? Where should I get married? Should I do a local wedding or should I do a destination wedding? All of these questions begin to bombard your mind at once and it seems as though you are beginning to have an internal battle with yourself.

As this may be true, the number one thing you want to remember is that your wedding day is just that: A DAY- or moreover, a few hours. Before you know it, it’s all a memory. Don’t sweat the small stuff for something that is going to last a few hours. Remember that the marriage is more important than the wedding. Take everything in as much as you can because it will go by so much quicker than you know and with the mix of emotions, family, and friends, you probably will not remember much of that one day you have stressed yourself out over for the last couple of months or for some the last year or so.

Some tips on making your wedding day as memorable as you can:

1. Make sure you have more than 1 photographer (if your budget allows) to capture every bit of your day from every angle possible.

2. Plan to have at least 1 videographer (2 if your budget allows) so that you can always have a live copy of your special day. Trust me; you will want this because your day will go by so quickly that you will look at your new spouse and say, “what happened on our wedding day?” It’s also something you can show to your friends and family who are unable to make your special day and furthermore, a great memory to have for your children and grandchildren.

3. Something is going to go wrong. Nothing will be perfect. Make sure you breathe and laugh at the small things. For example, on my wedding day, the power went out on the entire island of Oahu in Hawaii just an hour before my ceremony was to begin. Go figure! As long as you stay positive, everything will work out just fine.

4. Don’t be afraid to talk to others who have gone through the wedding planning jitters phase. You will learn so much from their experiences and will definitely feel more at ease once you learn you are not alone in this. You will see that every bride has gone through something. Nobody’s wedding planning experience is perfect – BELIEVE ME!

5. MOST IMPORTANTLY – Have fun!!! You’ve been planning this day forever- Reward yourself! You’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars, stressed out to the point of mental breakdown (or wait, maybe that was just me!), and you’ve run yourself all over the world and back to make this day as special as possible. Now sit back and enjoy it all! You deserve it! If you have to delegate tasks to your bridal party – do so. Use your wedding planner to your full advantage as well – that’s what you’re paying them for. Your wedding day is just that – YOUR wedding day! Have a blast and make it memorable.

My brides to be: Use all the tools you can to learn about how to make this day the best day possible. Research books, magazines, and especially blog sites such as this one. These blog sites will give the best ideas because you are able to get first hand advice from real brides who have been exactly where you are right now. Good luck and have a wonderful, blissful married life!

#BrideToBride...With Love, Patrice

Hey, lady! How's life on cloud nine? You got the love of your life, you've got the ring, and now what? I've learned a lot through my experiences as a bride, weddings I've been a part of, and weddings I've helped plan...here are some helpful thoughts to help you on your way.

First and foremost...do marriage counseling to learn more about married life and being married to your future spouse!

• It can be a pastor, marriage counselor, or life coach
• Ask questions...about any and every thing that you'd have to share: finances, children, in-laws, holidays, chores, who's cooking, date nights, sex
• What are they willing to do (will do, but doesn't like to)? What will they not do (absolutely will not do, even if you asked)
• If you don't live together, find out their daily routine: he's a morning person, you're a night owl; he doesn't like to talk in the morning, you squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom, etc
• Be open and honest because you only get out of it, what you put in to it.
• It will make you closer or you'll find out you're not so compatible, ultimately saving you stress and money!

Decide what your absolute must-haves are...

• These are the things that you would regret later in life and wouldn't second-guess giving your right left kidney for...which leads to...
• Decide how valuable they are to you and budget appropriately for each of them.
• Be more flexible about everything else.

If you feel strongly about something, don't ask for anyone's opinion, just do it.

• This will alleviate the stress and struggle with satisfying others
• Unless your in-laws say they don't want to be involved, involve them. Give them some direction and a task list: guest list for their family, scout venues, rehearsal dinner locations, hunt for favors. Find out what their talents/gifts are and utilize them.

On the other hand, people will be honored to help you, so just ask if you need it, but not publicly on FB or Twitter, you could offend others.

Be mindful and appreciative of other people's time, attention, and contributions. Though it's ALL about you, it's not all about YOU. FYI being a Bridezilla isn't even close to being cute. In case you didn't know, the show has ended.

Here's the deal with vendors:

• Have every thing in writing! Check in a month out, 2 weeks, 1 week, 3 days, and day before.
• Don't skimp on your photos! That's all you have from your special day and if they don't come out great, your wedding will only be a faint, blurry memory
• If you have friends/family with special talents, use them. My graphic designer friend offered to do my invitations as my wedding gift. It's a down economy...don't expect free work and a gift!
• Cash in favors...anyone that owes you something, now's the time to get it back.
• If your budget is tight...get creative. Look into arts & pastry programs at local colleges, for inexpensive cakes, photos, etc. But, be mindful that you get what you pay for.
• Pay on time! You don't want an unhappy caterer preparing your chicken marsala.
• Hire a day-of coordinator! Do not try to do it all yourself, or put that pressure on your mother. Have a non-family member wrangle your vendors, set the reception space, and get the party started on time!

Most importantly, your wedding does not define your marriage.

• At the end of the day, you only need you and your love to get married, because no one else will care more than you do
• And 3 years from now when you're celebrating your anniversary, or getting divorced, no one will care to remember that you wore a $12 dress over your 8-month pregnant body, that you had an amazing sheet cake or that your groom wore Chuck Taylors for your wedding

#BridetoBr​ide Blog Post Series

It's one of the happiest moments of your life. The love of your life has proposed to you and now you get to plan the wedding of your dreams. You are excited to pick out your wedding colors, find the perfect dress, choose your bridesmaids, etc but maybe you are a little overwhelmed by everything. It is nice to get advice from your friends and family, but sometimes you need advice from someone who doesn't know you and has an unbiased opinion. Favored will now feature a series called #BridetoBride. Advice from real brides to future brides. Check out our very first post from T. Bremby.

Dear Brides to Be,

Here are....Things I've learned about planning a wedding:

By T. Bremby

- THE WEDDING IS NOT FOR YOU... It's for your family and friends... The sooner you learn that the less stressed you'll be...

- ALWAYS INCLUDE YOUR IN-LAWS... It helps set the tone you want for your new family... and I want two family to become one...

- DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF- at the end of the day the only thing that can really go wrong is if the groom or the bride doesn't show up...

- ENJOY EVERY MOMENT- God willing this will only happen once... make memories to tell your children in the process...

- BE APPRECIATIVE- people are spending time and money to be apart of your special day... no matter how big or small the gesture, make sure you show your gratitude for the people that are assisting you to make your day special.

So brides-to-be... Enjoy these last moments of this chapter in your life... bask in each moment... no matter how scary or under certain they may feel... Find comfort in your true friendships, and the positive marriages in your life... only gravitate to people who speak life into your future... and always refer to 1 Corinthians 13:4–8... " Love never fails."

 If you are a bride and would like to submit to our #BridetoBride series, email us at carol@favoredbyyodit.com!